


An Eye for an Eye

by InsatiableOrange



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Slow Burn, adora is a jock, catra is in a rock band, expect some smut EVENTUALLY, gonna be angsty mostly, i'll try to be fluffy but no promises, i've got big plans for this, it's gonna be long, she's got the voice of aj michalka, some mentions of child abuse and drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-19 10:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17599559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsatiableOrange/pseuds/InsatiableOrange
Summary: Yet another Modern College AU with Adora as a jock and Catra in a rock band.Lots of angst and feelings and emotions between Catra and Adora! Keeping it M to be safe (some mentions of abuse, alcohol, drugs), but nothing explicit yet. Rating will go up eventually, but it's a slow burn.





	1. The Fright Zone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!! So this is my first fic ever, and the first time I've written anything in a loooooong time, so I'm still shaking off some rust! This ship has really inspired something in me so I couldn't help but write, I've got big plans for this fic so hopefully real life won't get too much in the way of me finishing it — can't promise regular updates but I will try not to keep anyone waiting too long! I hope you all enjoy!! 
> 
> Comments and criticism all welcome, I want to be friends with all of you
> 
> edit: Added more to Chapter I; it was going to be Chapter II but I'm going for longer chapters :)

“Hey Adora, you’re coming with us to the local rock concert tonight, aren’t you?” Perfuma, flowers in her long blonde hair and looking very much like a hippy, looked meaningfully at Adora. 

“Er,” replied Adora, tossing her gym bag to the couch where a dark-skinned boy in a fitted yellow top and a short girl with pink and purple hair were giggling over a laptop, “I didn’t really take you for a rock kind of girl, Perfuma…?” 

“Oh! I’m not! But my friend Entrapta will be performing, and she’s been so wonderful to me in Physics class, I promised her I’d bring friends to watch!”

Adora smiled and walked over to the living room of her shared apartment with Glimmer, the girl with the pink and purple hair. “Sure, why not? How about the two of you?” 

Bow, the dark-skinned boy, looked up from the screen and grinned. “Of course! I, personally, love all sorts of music. And Entrapta’s band looks really interesting, Perfuma! Do these girls go to Bright Moon University too?” 

Perfuma shook her head. “No, I think she met them online, or something. I’ve never met them, but Entrapta played me a few of their songs — their lead singer’s voice is beautiful, she’s got this kind of rough, throaty charm to it that’s just amazing.” 

“Is the pretty one in the middle the lead singer?” Glimmer pointed to the screen of the laptop, where she and Bow had been stalking the band. Perfuma leaned over and nodded. “Yup, that’s her! She’s got beautiful eyes, right?” 

“They’re gorgeous! I’ve never met anyone with heterochromia before.” 

Adora, who had been busy putting her dirty soccer clothes and cleats away, looked up. “Heterochromia?” 

“Yeah, you know, different-colored eyes. One of her eyes is blue, the other is this brown, almost golden color.” 

Adora dropped the sweaty red shirt she was holding and quickly crossed the room, taking the laptop from Bow’s surprised hands. On the screen were the words “BLACK GARNET” in swirling black and red, and underneath, a picture of three girls — one with long purple hair, another with short white hair, and in the middle, a beautiful brown girl with freckles on her nose, a wild black mane, one blue eye, and one golden eye. 

_Catra._

“Uhh… Adora? Are you okay?” Bow waved a hand in front of Adora’s face, which was currently open-mouthed and wide-eyed. “You kinda look like a fish right now.” 

Glitter laughed. “What is it, Adora? Do you know her?” 

Adora felt weak. Her chest had tightened, and a twisting feeling began to grow in her gut. She slowly gave the laptop back to Bow and sat down. Catra. “Yeah, I know her… she’s… um…” _My best friend? My best friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in almost half a year?_ “Someone from my old school.” The yawning pit in her stomach grew bigger. 

“Oooh,” said Bow, voice teasing, “someone _special_?” 

Adora didn’t answer. She knew what Bow meant, and even though she and Catra hadn’t been in that kind of relationship, she couldn’t just say “no” — Catra _was_ special. They had never dated, but they had been as close as any two people could be. Given a few more years, they probably would have. Catra had been her whole world, and Adora hers. And now I haven’t spoken to her in what, five months? 

Suddenly, Adora knew what the terrible feeling in her gut was. Guilt. 

***

“So let me get this straight. You grew up together in an orphanage. You had an abusive guardian. She was your best friend. And you haven’t spoken to her since July because…?” 

Adora looked guiltily at Bow. “I don’t know. I just… she was pretty mad at me, when I left for Bright Moon. And when I got here, everything was just… so new, so busy. I had soccer, classes were hard, I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have much money and I had to pay for rent and stuff. It was really hard, and I couldn’t talk to her because I knew she wouldn’t want me talking about Bright Moon.” 

Glimmer frowned. “But why would she be mad at you for going to Bright Moon? You got a soccer scholarship! And, I mean, no offense, but you don’t see a lot of scholarships going to orphans these days. Wasn’t she happy for you?” 

“I kind of sprung it on her.” Adora sighed. “It’s just, we’d planned to run off together after high school, you know? I had some savings, we wanted to see the world, maybe go to Eternia… but then I got the scholarship, and I didn’t know how to tell her. And I kept putting it off until suddenly, I had to leave, and I didn’t have the time to explain it to her.” 

Bow leaned back and whistled. “Wow. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do, Adora.” 

Adora groaned and put her head in her hands. “I know, I know. She must hate me.” 

“You don’t have to go if it will be awkward. I told Entrapta I’d bring friends, but Bow and Glimmer are already going so you don’t have to!” 

“It’s okay, Perfuma. I should go. I’ve been meaning to write to her, but I kept putting it off because I didn’t know how to explain how shitty I’ve been. But I should go see her.” 

Perfuma nodded. “Alright then. They’ll be playing at 8. It’s in that abandoned parking lot near a bar called the ‘Fright Zone.’ I have to go home and get ready — I’ll see you guys there!” 

As soon as Perfuma left, Glimmer clapped her hands and stood up. “Great! It’s settled then. We have to get dressed for a ROCK CONCERT! Bow, do you still have those chokers from our Halloween costume a few years ago?” 

By the time they had all gotten ready — dressed like regular college freshmen, after Bow and Adora had convinced Glimmer that you didn’t have to dress like a goth to attend a rock concert — it was almost 8. The concert was in full swing when they arrived there, and the three of them wove around the grounds looking for Perfuma, or Mermista or Sea Hawk, Perfuma’s other friends. 

“There!” Glimmer spotted them near the front of the stage. The small girl managed to elbow her way there and land them a spot with a clear view just as the emcee announced the new band. “And now, performing for the very first time, with one of our very own Bright Moon students on drums, I present to you — BLAAAAAACK! GARNET!” 

“GO ENTRAPTA!” Perfuma shouted from beside her. They were close enough to the stage that Adora could see the three performers clearly — Entrapta, the girl with long purple hair in pigtails behind the drums, while the tall girl with the short white hair played the bass. In the middle, dressed in familiar ripped jeans, a red flannel shirt and a black tank, stood Catra. She looks so different, thought Adora. It had been five months since Adora had last seen her friend, and though Catra hadn’t changed much on the surface — she was still the same height and weight — she looked so much… _cooler_. Her hair was cut in jagged layers, and her ear and belly button had new piercings. Her guitar, a shiny blood-red one Adora had never seen before, fit her new look perfectly.

“THEY SOUND SO GOOD!” Bow yelled, on her other side. Adora started. She had been so engrossed in observing Catra that she hadn’t even noticed they had started playing. Adora listened. They did sound good. Adora wasn’t really into rock music, but the melody was really catchy and she could see everyone around her bobbing up and down to the beat. She’d always known Catra had a good voice, but Adora had never heard her like this — her voice sounded raw and emotional, even over the speakers, with the smoky quality to it that Adora had always loved more pronounced than ever. She watched as Catra leaned into the music, closing her eyes and holding a long note. 

The first song ended and the crowd went up in cheers. Catra opened her eyes and grinned. As Catra’s eyes swept over them, her eyes met Adora’s. Catra’s eyes narrowed and Adora felt a chill run through her, but the next song was starting and the singer had closed her eyes again. 

***

“THAT. WAS. AMAZING!” Bow was still jumping up and down, dancing to phantom music. 

“Yeah, it kinda was.” said Mermista, Perfuma’s roommate. Mermista was an Indian girl who, like Adora, was on a Bright Moon sports scholarship — varsity swimming. 

“Praise from Mermista! Truly, that friend of yours is of the highest caliber of musician, Perfuma!” Sea Hawk, Mermista’s weird boyfriend and fellow varsity swimmer, was the exact opposite of Mermista. Where she was always cool and collected, Sea Hawk got excited about everything. Everything. 

Perfuma smiled. “She really was quite good! And your friend, too, Adora!” 

Adora smiled and nodded. She’d enjoyed the concert as much as the others, but she was too distracted trying to think of what to say to Catra to really pay attention to the conversation. They were walking towards the Fright Zone, where one of the band members — the tall girl with white hair, whose name was Scorpia, as Entrapta had texted Perfuma — was hosting an afterparty. Adora would see Catra in just a few minutes and she still had no idea what to say to her. 

Glimmer voiced her thoughts out loud. “Still don’t know what to say to her, huh?” 

Adora shook her head. “I’ve rehearsed about five hundred different versions of ‘I’m sorry’ in my head, but I don’t know where to go from there.” 

Bow put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically. “I’m sure you’ll think of it when you see her. I mean, you kind of have to, since we’re here, but I’m sure you will.” 

The Fright Zone was a bar with metal walls, metal tables, metal chairs, and eerie green lighting. They flashed their IDs to the guards — they’d all already turned 18, with Glimmer having gotten her ID less than a week ago — and took a table near the corner. The place was packed — Scorpia had invited anyone and everyone to the afterparty. 

“So, Perfuma, how do you know Entrapta anyway? You two are kiiiiinda different.” asked Mermista as Bow and Sea Hawk went to get drinks for the table. “Oh! Well, for some reason we have like half our classes together, and we’re partners in most of them. At first I thought she was kind of annoying, but you kinda get used to her? Also, she completely saved my Physics grade, I really hate that sub—Entrapta!” 

Perfuma hugged the purple-haired girl that had appeared at their table out of nowhere. “Perfuma! You came! You brought attendants!” 

“Of course! I promised, didn’t I?” smiled Perfuma. “Guys, this is Entrapta, the friend I was telling you about. Entrapta, this is Mermista, Adora, Glimmer — and oh, there’s Bow and Sea Hawk!” Entrapta greeted them all politely before grinning and turning back to Perfuma. “Okay, now you guys have to meet my band mates! Scorpia! Catra!” 

Scorpia approached them first. She was very tall — taller than even Adora and Sea Hawk, who were the tallest of the group at 5’10 — and she sported a goth, black-and-silver-crosses look, but her grin split from ear to ear and the scary appearance vanished almost instantly. “Hey guys! It’s so nice to meet you all!” 

Entrapta beamed. “This is Scorpia. She’s our bassist and the heart of the band — we wouldn’t be here without her!” 

Scorpia laughed. “She means that quite literally, I’m afraid. I’m sponsoring her and Catra first while we work on our music, but I’m not the heart of the band. That would be our lead singer — hey, Catra! Come over here!” 

Adora stilled. Catra, who had been standing a few meters away, turned around at the sound of her name and looked straight at Adora. The world seemed to fall away as she slowly approached their table, eyes never leaving hers. 

“Hey, Adora.”

***

Scorpia clapped her hands together in delight. “You guys are friends, then!” 

Adora opened her mouth to reply, but Catra spoke first. 

“Just acquaintances.”

Adora’s chest twisted at the words. She closed her mouth and tried to force a smile, but her jaw wasn’t moving. She was staring at Catra, who was very carefully watching her as she took a sip of her rum coke. She could feel Bow and Glimmer watching her, as well, but before she could reply, Scorpia had clapped a strong hand over both their shoulders. 

“Well, now’s the perfect time to get to know each other better!” She said cheerfully, smiling at the two of them. 

“Y-yeah, right…” Adora stammered. Catra smirked and shrugged off Scorpia’s hand. “I’m going out for a smoke.” She sauntered off and left Adora staring after her. 

“Are you okay?” Glimmer whispered. Scorpia had gotten into a conversation with Perfuma and Entrapta, while Mermista and Sea Hawk had disappeared into the throng. Bow and Glimmer were both looking at her with concern. 

Adora took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m going to— I’m going to go and apologize to her.” She paused. “Do you guys have anything to drink?” 

Bow handed her the mojito he was holding, and she downed it in a few gulps. The alcohol burned through her quickly, and she could already feel her cheeks burning. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she headed for the smoking area. 

Outside, the December air was cold, but thick with the haze of the dozen or so smokers hanging around. Adora squinted until she saw Catra, who was leaning against the railing and talking to another smoker Adora couldn’t see. She’d thrown on a leather jacket and buttoned up her shirt halfway to protect her from the cold. Adora shivered in the night air — she’d chosen a thin red jacket since both the concert and the bar were warm. She steeled herself and approached. 

The girl beside Catra spotted her first. “Adora?” 

Adora looked at the girl smoking beside Catra for the first time. “Lonnie?” she said, surprised.

“What are _you_ doing here?” 

Catra snorted. Adora could see her lip curling even in the darkness. “She’s here with her friends from _Bright Moon_ , of course.” 

Adora frowned. “Lonnie, could you give Catra and I a second alone?” 

It was Lonnie’s turn to snort. “Jesus, seriously, Adora? It’s sure nice to see you too.” She rolled her eyes and stomped back inside. Adora winced. _There’s another person I’ll have to apologize to._ But she couldn’t think about Lonnie now — she had another, more pressing problem in front of her, one in the form of a teenage girl purposefully ignoring her. 

“Hey, um. You played really well tonight.” 

Catra was silent. 

“Did— did you write those songs? I thought I recognized some of the lyrics, but you’ve, um, you’ve really improved.” 

Catra blew out a tiny smoke ring. 

“So where’d you meet Scorpia and Entrapta? Scorpia seems really nice, she—”

Catra dropped the cigarette and snuffed it out with her boot. She turned to leave. 

“Catra— Catra, wait, please. I’m sorry, okay? Can you please talk to me?” Adora caught her by the elbow, and Catra stiffened at the touch. 

“It’s not going to work.” 

“What’s not going to work?” 

“That thing you do. Whenever we fight. Where you make jokes and pretend like everything’s okay until I stop being mad at you.” 

“I’m sorry, okay? What else do you want me to say?” 

“Do you—” Catra shoved Adora’s arm away and turned to look at her, fury in her blue and gold eyes. “Do you think you can just walk back in like nothing fucking happened, Adora? Like you didn’t leave us, leave _me,_ without a fucking word?” 

“I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy, moving to Bright Moon has been really hard, I swear I meant to call—”

“ _Five months, Adora!_ ” Catra shouted at her. “It takes _two fucking seconds_ to text hello!”

“I didn’t know what to say, okay! I knew you weren’t going to be supportive, I knew you hated that I got into Bright Moon without you!” Adora regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Catra’s eyes narrowed, and she clenched her jaw. Adora could see her fists trembling. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Adora. After everything we’ve been through, _I’m_ the one who’s not supportive.” She said, her voice dropping to a deadly whisper. 

“I— I didn’t mean it that way—”

“Why don’t you just go back to your _real_ friends then, yeah? I’m sure they’re much more supportive of you.” 

“ _You’re_ a real friend, Catra.” She said, her voice breaking a little.

“Friends,” she said softly. “Friends don’t forget each other the moment they meet someone new, Adora. We’re not friends.” Catra’s eyes were hurt and hatred and sorrow. “I’m not even sure we ever were.” 

Adora blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out of her as Catra walked away, towards the street. _Idiot,_ she thought, wrapping her arms around herself. _Stupid, stupid, idiot._ She felt a hand squeeze her arm comfortingly, and looked up to see Bow. “Hey,” he said gently. “You okay?” 

“Did you hear any of that?” she asked. 

Bow shrugged apologetically. “We, um, heard most of it, actually. You were kind of loud. Do you want to go back inside?” 

Adora nodded numbly and let Bow lead her back inside to their table. Glimmer placed three colorful drinks in front of her. “Okay, so I didn’t know what you liked, and I don’t know anything about drinks either so I got you another mojito, a mai tai, and —” Adora picked up the orange one in the middle and downed it in three swallows. She set the glass back down and shuddered. “I’m such an idiot.” 

“No shit, Sherlock.” 

Adora looked up. Lonnie was glaring at her.

“Lonnie! Can you— do you think you can talk to Catra for me?” She said, hopefully. 

Lonnie groaned and gave her a look of disbelief. “For fuck’s sake, Adora. You abandoned us too, you know?” 

“I’m—I’m sorry, I just, Catra, she—“ 

“Yeah, yeah. We get it. Only Catra ever mattered to you.” 

“That’s not true! You were all my friends!” 

“I don’t think you know what that word means, Adora.” She stood up and nodded to a couple of figures behind her. “I’m out. You two coming?” 

A small blonde-haired boy and a bigger one with pockmarks all over his face sitting at a nearby table stood up and started to gather their things. 

“Kyle… Rogelio…” 

The two of them looked at her sadly. As they filed past her towards the exit, Adora grabbed Kyle by the sleeve. 

“Kyle, please.” She said softly. Kyle had always been the gentlest of all of them. Kyle sighed and looked at his feet. “Look, Adora… things were bad, after you left. Really, really bad. Especially for Catra.” 

Adora felt her heart break for the hundredth time that night. She swallowed. “Weaver. Did she… what did she do?” 

Kyle looked up, surprised. “You don’t know?” 

“Know what?” 

“She’s dead, Adora. Catra killed her.”


	2. Shadow Weaver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora dredges up Catra's bad memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning — mentions of child abuse, some hints of drug usage. Full notes at the end!

Catra couldn’t breathe. Shadow Weaver’s long black hair turned into tendrils of black and surrounded her, wrapping around her arms, her legs, and her neck. The grip around her neck tightened, and she choked. She heard the evil woman’s cackle of laughter and felt herself being pulled down into the abyss. 

_Adora!_

Adora stood above her, her golden hair falling to her back and surrounding her like a halo. 

_Adora, please! Help me!_

Adora smiled sadly and raised her hand in farewell.

Darkness closed around her. 

Catra woke up with a gasp. She was breathing hard, as though she really had been struggling for air in her sleep, and she could feel sweat all over her. For a moment, she didn’t recognize her surroundings, but as her breathing slowed down she realized she was in her bed, in the new apartment she shared with Scorpia. She checked her phone. It had several unread messages and missed calls. Catra opened them — a few messages from Scorpia telling her not to wait up, 12 missed calls from an unknown number, and then…

_it’s adora can u answer_

_catra pls lets talk_

_im sorry_

_pls can we jsut tlak_

She _hmphed_ and deleted the messages. _The audacity of that woman. She abandons me even in my dreams._ It was too late for breakfast — she hadn’t been able to fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning — and if Scorpia hadn’t already woken her up to have “the most important meal of the day,” that meant the other girl was probably hungover from last night. She sighed and got up.

Catra’s room was small, but the bare walls and lack of furniture made it seem bigger. Her guitar and amp were propped up in the corner, and a small suitcase full of clothes she hadn’t bothered to unpack lay at the foot of the bed. Catra didn’t have any other possessions from the orphanage. She’d moved in with Scorpia only a week ago, and Scorpia made her promise they’d shop for furniture the first Sunday they had. 

She changed into an old band shirt before going out to their living room. The shirt was one of her favorites — it was just the right amount of loose to be perfectly comfortable indoors, but not so ratty that she couldn’t wear it outside if she had to. That Adora gave it to her was _pure_ coincidence. 

Outside, Scorpia lay sprawled on the couch, one leg and one arm hanging over the edge. She was still wearing the clothes and make-up from last night. Catra snorted at the sight. _Guess we’re not going furniture shopping today._

She left Scorpia where she was and headed to the kitchen. After pouring herself some milk and cereal to munch on, she set a pot on the stove and got to work making grilled cheese and tomato soup, last night’s conversations playing in her head. 

Seeing Adora last night had hurt. She looked the same as ever — hair still golden, eyes still blue as the sky, looking fitter than ever even in just a casual pair of jeans and her trademark red. Catra didn’t recognize the pink-haired girl or the hippy she’d been talking and laughing with, but she recognized the familiarity with which they’d put a hand on Adora’s shoulder or make a joke. It was a familiarity that Catra used to have all to herself. 

_It isn’t fair,_ thought Catra, _it isn’t fair that she gets to be so happy without me, when I’ve missed her so much._ Catra knew she was being petty and jealous, but it didn’t make the feeling of abandonment sting any less. 

By the time Catra finished making lunch, Scorpia still hadn’t woken up. She scrawled a quick note for the hungover girl, telling her she’d be practicing at the studio and that there was food in the pot for her, and headed out with her guitar case slung over her shoulder. 

The walk back to the Fright Zone, where their studio was located, made her think about Adora again, but she shoved the thoughts of the other girl from her mind and tried to think about a song she was having trouble writing. Scorpia and Entrapta were usually the ones who made the melodies of their songs — Catra was still learning the ropes of how to do that, since she’d only gotten her own guitar a few months ago — Entrapta was a genius at mixing beats and discovering new sounds. But Catra was the lyricist. She was a _natural,_ although, unsurprisingly, the majority of her lyrics were based on her many terrible experiences in Shadow Weaver’s orphanage.

Music always made her feel better. When she was younger and Shadow Weaver would punish her until she’d cry, she would “borrow” someone’s old iPod, and sneak out and to sing in an abandoned lot somewhere. There were plenty of them in the Fright Zone, and not even Adora knew where she’d go during those times. Music was where she felt safe — when she was singing, she could forget, for a little while, about Shadow Weaver, about the orphanage, about her life. And when Adora left, she could forget about her too. 

The Fright Zone was still closed — it wouldn’t open til 5 in the afternoon — so she went around the back to the fire escape that led straight to the studio. She leapt up the stairs two at a time, eager to get away from thoughts of Adora, only to find the very object of her annoyance curled up in a ball in front of the door. 

Catra stiffened. If she’d been a cat, her tail would have been standing straight and stiff in alarm. She contemplated leaving the sleeping form there and avoiding any form of conversation with her, but after a few minutes of struggling with herself, she decided she really wanted to practice now. She wasn’t going to let Adora stop her from doing that. 

She nudged the blonde girl — gently — with her foot. Adora woke blearily. “Wha…” 

“Hey, Adora.” Catra put on a sneer and leaned casually against the railing.

“Catra!” Adora scrambled to her feet. Her hair was a mess from sleeping in a ponytail, and half her face was red from sleeping on her side. “You’re here!” 

“Well, it is my studio. What are _you_ doing here? You make a habit of sleeping in fire escapes nowadays?” 

“No, I… I was waiting for you.” Adora said sheepishly. 

Catra quirked an eyebrow. “How’d you know I’d be here? How did you even know about this place?”

“Entrapta mentioned you guys practiced in a studio above the Fright Zone. I um, I tried to call you, but I think you blocked my number, so I tried to call you from Glimmer’s phone, but you weren’t answering, and I’m not sure you got my texts, or if you’d um, changed your number, and…” Adora blushed and bit her lip to stop babbling. Catra hated how the girl could have messy hair, drool on half her face, and still look cute like that. “I’ve kind of just been here hoping you’d pass by. I didn’t know where else to find you.” 

Catra felt a bubble of something that felt suspiciously like pleasure growing in her chest, but she quickly squashed the feeling. “How…” _She just waited for an hour or so. No big deal. This doesn't change anything._ “How long have you been waiting here?” 

Adora checked her watch. “Um, maybe four hours? I went to the orphanage first.” Her face grew serious. “Catra, what happened? The whole place is closed down. And…” Adora stepped closer, and Catra could see the concern in her ocean eyes. “I heard about Shadow Weaver. Kyle told me. Is it… is it true?” 

Catra recoiled, the languid posture she’d been holding gone. She tore her eyes away from Adora’s. “Maybe you’d know if you’d actually kept in contact the past few months. Too bad.” She moved to shove Adora aside to get to the door, but Adora, strong as ever, stopped her easily with a hand on her arm. Catra’s fists clenched at the familiar contact. 

“Look…” Adora took a deep breath. “I know you won’t forgive me that easily. But could you please let me try?”

Catra put her hand on the door handle but kept silent. She wanted, so badly, to say yes. To let Adora just be so fucking Adora, and apologize and laugh and be so wonderful to her again, that she’d forget this ever happened. But stubbornness and pride won out, and she kept her mouth shut. _I won’t. I won’t just let you pretend abandoning me was okay._

“It was my home too, you know.” Adora said softly. “It wasn’t much of a home, and she wasn’t much of a mother, but she was all we had.” 

“ _Ah._ ” Catra could barely contain the rage flooding through her veins. “Of course, _of course_ you’d say that. It’s always somehow my fault, isn’t it?” 

Adora frowned. “That’s not what I —”

“I killed her. I killed your mother and I couldn’t be _fucking happier_ she’s dead. Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

For a moment, the other girl was silent. Then she looked at Catra straight in the eye. “I’m not sad she’s dead.” 

Catra’s anger deflated a bit, and she slumped against the door. “Good. So will you go now, please?” 

“Not until I hear what happened.” 

“Why not just ask Kyle?” 

“I’d rather hear it from you.” 

Catra sighed. “And if I tell you, will you leave?” 

Adora frowned. She opened her mouth to reply, but then — 

“Was that…” Catra bit back a laugh. “Missed lunch, huh?” 

Adora blushed in embarrassment and put a hand on her grumbling belly. “I was afraid I’d miss you if I left for food. And I didn’t think you’d let me in if I didn’t block the door.” 

Catra did laugh, then. “You’d have been right.” 

“Tell me, then I’ll leave. But I’ll come back. Tonight. Or tomorrow. Whenever. And then we can talk, okay?” 

“Nnngghhh.” 

“Whatever. I’m coming back, and I’m going to make you talk to me.” 

“You can try.” 

“I _will_. Now. Tell me what happened?” 

Catra sighed and closed her eyes, still leaning against the door. She’d been holding back these memories for months, but they came back easily, as vivid as though it had happened yesterday. She could see the blood trickling down Shadow Weaver’s temple; feel the sting of her own wounds on her cheek. 

She opened one eye and looked at Adora. “Do you remember how Weaver used to get when she’d had too much to drink?” 

Adora flinched. Adora had always been Shadow Weaver’s favorite child, which meant that she got hurt much less than the rest of them, but that status didn’t spare her from Shadow Weaver when she got too far into a bottle of gin. “Yeah.” 

“Well, when you left, she started drinking more. A _lot_ more.” Catra felt on the verge of tears. She closed her eyes again, remembering all the times the woman had barged into her room, reeking of alcohol and swinging the belt like a whip. 

“I wouldn’t even be doing anything. I'd just be watching TV, and she would just go off about how I was so fucking _worthless,_ or about how such a burden I was, or… how I wasn’t even enough to get you to stay.” 

“Oh, Catra…” 

Catra keeps talking. “So I started avoiding her as much as possible. I stayed out as much as I could, I did my chores when she wasn’t looking. I even slept in some abandoned parking lot one time. But one day I get home too late, and she’s waiting for me in the kitchen. She starts yelling at me, and she’s hitting me with her belt and… she used the buckle side. I don’t know if she was drunk or just feeling extra evil that night, but…” She stops as she feels Adora move closer to her. Catra opens her eyes and Adora’s face is _inches_ away from her, and her eyes are so impossibly tender that Catra can’t look away. She should feel angry, angry that Adora has the _gall_ to pity her when it’s all her fault, but her breath just hitches and she can’t move. 

“Is that where this came from?” She puts a hand to Catra’s cheek, tracing the thin scar there. Catra’s face feels warm. 

“Y-yeah.” She clears her throat and steps back. “Um, anyway. I was a— a little out of it, that night—” _I was fucking high, but I’m not going to tell you that when you’re looking at me like that_ — “so I fought back. I don’t really remember what happened. I think I must have pushed her. I just remember being so tired and angry of her treating me like crap all the time, and the next thing I know is she’s falling and… her head hit the corner of the countertop.” 

“She died?” 

“Not at once. She was in the hospital for a while, but she died after a few weeks.” 

Adora took a deep breath. “But you didn’t get in trouble, right? I mean it was obviously an accident, or, or, self-defense, but you— you didn’t _kill_ her, so it can’t be your fault!” 

Catra shrugged. She did get in trouble, but that was a story for another day. “Lonnie and the others woke up and saw everything. We called the police and told them. Next thing I knew we were all… being sent to other places.” Not technically true, but not technically a lie, either. 

Adora nodded. “God, I can’t believe I… I’m so, so, sorry Catra. I should have been there. I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t.” 

Catra really looked at Adora then. The other girl had her arms wrapped around herself protectively, and was looking at Catra, guilt and pleading in her eyes. Half of her wanted to forgive Adora right then and there, and hold her in her arms. The other half wanted to scream that she _wasn’t there_ , that she was too _busy with her friends from Bright Moon_ and _how could she have forgotten Catra so easily._

But most of her just wanted to stop thinking about Shadow Weaver and the orphanage and Adora and everything. 

“You should go.” Her voice sounded oddly flat, even to her ears. 

“O-okay.” But Adora bit her lip and didn’t move. She swallowed thickly and leaned forward a little, hands reaching out towards Catra. “C-can I… hug you?” 

Catra looked at Adora’s hands. They used to hug, all the time. Catra normally hated hugs, she hated getting touched. But with Adora, she was so much touchier, they would hug and cuddle and hold hands and it would almost be like they were two, well-adjusted children with parents who actually gave them intimacy. 

“No.” 

Adora looked crushed, but she nodded. “That’s okay. I get it.” She paused, like she didn’t know how to say goodbye to someone without hugging them. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” She managed a weak grin. 

“Maybe.” 

“I will. Bye, Catra.” 

“Bye.” 

When Adora finally turned and left, Catra opened the door and threw herself into the room, locking it quickly behind her. _At least,_ she thought, as the tears she’d been holding back finally fell, _I’ll definitely have something to write about now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyoooo I'm back! Chapter's a bit shorter than I'd like, but the next part is Adora's POV so I stopped here. 
> 
> So just a little update, I'm changing the tags/rating of this fic. I've realized it's really quite a slow burn (and much angstier than I expected). I'm keeping it at M for now to be safe but this may change. I'm also adding a couple of warnings for child abuse/drugs/etc in case that triggers anyone. 
> 
> I also have this habit of editing chapters as I go on (I still have to get used to the per-chapter posting of fanfic lol), so if you see any changes on a second glance you're not going crazy — I'm really changing stuff! I'll try to avoid changing anything major (it's mostly just word usage), but I will make major changes if it turns out I messed up continuity haha. 
> 
> Comments, criticism, kudos, bookmarks, etc are all appreciated!!! I didn't realize how much feedback strokes the fires of writing, YOUR COMMENTS ARE LIKE CRACK KEEP 'EM COMING


	3. Digging out the Truth

“I just, I don’t know if— she’s not really a flowers kind of person, you know?” Adora stopped to jog in place while she waited for Netossa to catch up to her. “She likes chocolate, but not all that much. What else do you get someone who doesn’t want to talk to you?” 

“In my experience, Adora,” huffed Netossa, who was breathing hard in an effort to keep up with Adora, “you don’t court girls who don’t want to talk to you.” 

Adora flushed red. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was currently doing warm-up laps with her soccer team. “I’m— I’m not courting her!” 

“You’re thinking about bringing the girl flowers and chocolate and you’re not courting her?” 

“She’s my best friend!” 

“You must be real gal pals, huh?” 

“We’re— we’re not like that. I mean, I don’t mind, or anything, I just don’t think about her in that way!” Adora started to jog forward again, looking straight ahead so the two wouldn’t see how red she’d gotten. Netossa groaned. 

“If you don’t. Think about her. That way,” asked Netossa, still struggling to speak while jogging, “Why did you. Ask. A lesbian?” 

“I thought you could help me talk to her! I’m not… I’m not really good at talking to girls.”

Netossa was silent for so long that Adora craned her head around to see if the other girl had even heard her. Netossa saw her looking and stopped, hands on her knees and out of breath. After a moment, she looked up and gave Adora an amused grin. 

“You know, if you are into girls, it’s not like anyone here will mind. You’re on the women’s soccer team.”

Adora didn’t think she could get any redder, but the heat in her face told her she did. “I’m going to do another lap! See you in a bit!” 

Adora managed to get through the rest of practice with normal-colored cheeks, but she did studiously avoid the knowing looks Netossa and her girlfriend Spinnerella were giving her the whole time. All of her morning classes decided to teach their lectures at triple speed to get ready for the upcoming finals, and she didn’t have time to think about Netossa’s comments until Bow caught her searching “gifts for a girlfriend who’s mad at you” on her phone during lunch break. 

“Adora! You have a _girlfriend_?! How could you not tell us?!”

Adora turned scarlet as she hid the phone away from Bow and Glimmer at their shared lunch table in the school cafeteria. Glimmer was looking at her with her eyes wide. “No! It’s not like that!” 

“So... why are you searching for gifts to give your girlfriend on your phone?”

“It’s— It’s for Catra.” 

“Is… is Catra your ex?” asked Glimmer slowly. 

“No!” 

“Huh,” said Bow, chewing his food thoughtfully, “I could have sworn I got the vibe from you two last Saturday. Right Glimmer?” Glimmer nodded enthusiastically. 

“I— I don’t even know if she— if I—” Adora shut her mouth and sighed. 

“You don’t know if you’re…?” 

Adora shook her head. “I’ve just never really thought about it. Back in Horde High, I had to think about school, the soccer team, all the crap at the orphanage. I figured, if something happened, then it’d just happen.” 

“But haven’t you ever felt, um,” Glimmer was blushing hard, now, “like you— like you needed to be, um, intimate...” 

Bow grinned. “Glimmer wants to know if you’ve ever been horny.” Glimmer punched him in the arm, but she looked expectantly at Adora for an answer. 

Adora shrugged. “A few times, maybe, but it was hard, you know? Most of my high school life, I’d wake up, get through class, soccer practice, wash dishes or clean the floor and then just go to bed exhausted.” 

“What about Catra?” asked Glimmer. 

“Um…” Adora paused. When she and Catra had been fifteen, Catra had asked her something strange. They’d been sharing a bed — they always did, in the orphanage — and Catra was cuddled up to Adora, the top of her head resting under Adora’s chin. 

_“Hey, Adora.”_

_“Hmmm?” Adora was half-asleep._

_“Have you ever…” Catra squirmed in her arms, uncomfortable. “Have you ever liked anyone?”_

_“Huh? I like you.”_

_Catra turned around and propped herself up on her elbows. “I mean, have you ever really liked someone? Like the way Kyle likes Rogelio?”_

_Adora opened one sleepy eye. “Like a crush?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Mhm, I don’t think so.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Why do you ask? Do you have a crush on someone?”_

_Catra didn’t move. It was dark, and Adora couldn’t see her face. Adora let out a yawn, and Catra turned back around and snuggled harder into Adora._

_“Good night, Adora.”  
_

“She— she never said.” Adora frowned. “How do you… how do you know if you have a crush on someone?” 

Bow and Glimmer exchanged a look. “Well,” said Bow, “usually, it starts when you can’t stop thinking about her.” 

“Everything reminds you of her. Maybe you’ll see food and think, hey, maybe she’d like this, or you watch a show and think, hey, she’d like this, or someone makes a joke and you want to tell it to her because you know she’d like it.” added Glimmer. 

“But don’t best friends do that? Don’t you guys do that?” 

“It’s different,” said Bow. “Like with friends, you don’t mind so much if they’ve got other stuff going on, right? Like if they’ve had a bad week or they’re busy with something—”

“ _Like a soccer scholarship—_ ” whispered Glimmer. 

“But when you like someone, you feel like it’s the end of the world when they don’t want to talk to you.”

Adora opened her mouth, but found she had no reply. 

“And,” Glimmer added gently, “at some point, you might feel touchy with them. Like you’ll always want to hug them, or even just touch their arm or their shoulder.” 

Adora thought back to all the times she spent cuddling with Catra on her bed or while watching television, and how good it felt to have Catra’s back pressed against her, or feel the warmth of her neck. She felt her cheeks turning pink. She was going to have a lot to think about. 

***  


Adora’s mind was whirring that whole afternoon.

Her last class ended at 3, so Adora had time to pass by Frosta’s Cupcakes and have red velvet cup cakes that spelled “I’m sorry” made before heading over to the Fright Zone. She tried to focus on what she wanted to say to Catra as she made her way up the fire escape, but the anxious thoughts wouldn’t go away. _Could I have a crush on her? Do I like her? Do I like girls? Could she have a crush on me? Is that what she wanted to say that night? Why did she never tell me? Why didn’t she ever talk to me about liking girls, or boys, or anyone?_

She shook the thoughts away and took a deep breath. She knocked. 

A tall girl with short white hair—Scorpia, from the party— opened the door. Scorpia saw the box of cupcakes and grinned broadly. “I love Frosta’s cupcakes! You’re Adora, right?” 

“Hey, yeah. Scorpia, right? We met at the party last Saturday?” 

“Yeah, I remember you.” Scorpia gave her a smirk. Was it knowing? It was definitely a knowing smirk. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here to see Catra.” She lifted up the box of cupcakes. “Peace offering.” 

Scorpia’s smile grew even wider and she stepped aside to let Adora in. “Well, in that case, come on in!” 

The studio was much nicer than she expected. She thought Black Garnet was a garage band, like the kind she’d had with Catra and Lonnie in high school, but the studio was legit— the studio proper took up the majority of the space, a big open area behind a glass wall with all of the band’s instruments and microphones and amps. The floor was made of a dark, expensive looking wood, and there was a small area with plush red couches beanbags and even a small refrigerator. Entrapta sat behind a professional-looking sound mixer, oblivious to the world in a pair of giant headphones. Catra lay sprawled on one of the beanbags, thrumming a light tune on her guitar. 

“Hey, Catra! Look who’s here!” 

Catra looked up from her guitar and made a face when she saw Adora. “What part of, ‘don’t let Adora in’ wasn’t clear?” 

Scorpia just smiled and shrugged. “She brought cupcakes. How could I say no?” 

As though the word _cupcake_ had pierced through her noise-cancelling earphones, Entrapta’s head turned at the sound and her eyes widened. “Did you say… CUPCAKES?” 

Adora grinned and opened the box to show the room. The cupcakes were a deep red, and Frosta had spelled the letters out in cream cheese. The top four spelled I-M-S-O, and the bottom four had R-R-Y and one with a sad cat face. Catra, who had gotten up from the beanbag, rolled her eyes, but Adora saw a small smile playing on her lips. 

Entrapta’s eyes were almost sparkling with joy. “These would be much more optimal if they were tiny, but they look delicious nonetheless! May I have one, Miss Blonde Lady?” 

Adora laughed. “My name’s Adora. And yeah, if Catra doesn’t mind. They’re for her.” Catra nodded and Entrapta gleefully took the O. Scorpia took an S, and the three of them looked at Catra expectantly. 

Catra rolled her eyes again. “Ugh. Fine.” She took the one with the cat drawing. “But this isn’t because I like you again.” 

As it turns out, they weren’t actually practicing today since they had just finished a gig, and instead working on some new songs. Scorpia and Entrapta fell deep into conversation about a new sound they were working on, which left Adora alone with Catra. 

Catra had picked up her guitar and started mindlessly plucking a tune again. Adora sat gingerly on her left — away from the neck of the guitar — and wrapped her arms around her knees, sneaking sideways glances at the dark-haired girl. Catra hadn’t said a word to her since the cupcakes, and the silence between them was growing uncomfortable. Adora’s thoughts were on overdrive — _Do I say something funny? Do I just pretend like everything’s normal? Do I bring up Shadow Weaver? No, I shouldn’t bring up Weaver, she’d hate that. Maybe we can talk about the cupcakes? No, that’s dumb! What about her band? Oh, shit, I don’t know anything about her band. Has she said anything about it? When did Catra even learn how to play guitar? Fuck, when did Catra get so cool—_

Catra gave in first. 

“ _Stop._ ” She hissed. 

“Stop what?” 

“Stop staring at me. It’s weird!” 

“I wasn’t staring at you.” 

“You totally were staring at me.” 

“No, I—” Adora grinned. She scooted closer to Catra, then leaned forward and put their foreheads together. She made her eyes as wide as she could and looked right into Catra’s blue and gold eyes. “ _Now_ I’m staring at you.” 

Adora heard Catra’s breath hitch. They were so close, she could hear Catra’s heart beating — a quick _thudthudthud_. Her grin began to fade. _Was that too much? Shit, I—_

Catra broke away, cheeks a faint pink. “You’re such a weirdo, Adora.” 

Adora heaved a sigh of relief. She felt like a barrier had fallen apart between them— the ice, breaking. She shifted a little away from Catra to give her a little bit more space— but not too much. “So, where’d you get the guitar?” she asked, cheerfully. Catra lifted up the blood-red Fender. It was still obviously new, but Catra had already placed a couple of stickers near the bottom: a lazy-looking tabby cat and a chibi drawing of her, Scorpia, and Entrapta, with the words “Best Pal Trio” in curly handwriting underneath. Adora’s smile faltered a little. She hadn’t noticed that. 

“Scorpia gave it to me.”

“W-wow. Scorpia gave you a _guitar_?” 

Catra shrugged. “Sort of. It’s part of the contract— her family’s funding this whole band thing. Studio, my guitar, blah blah.” 

“Like— a label? Scorpia owns a label?” 

“Her family does, yeah. I mean, they own a bit of everything. She’s pretty fucking rich.” Catra grinned and looked over to her two bandmates. “You’d never guess it though.” 

Adora felt a strange, ugly feeling rising in her chest as she watched Catra look so fondly at Scorpia and Entrapta. She cleared her throat to get rid of the bubble that had mysteriously appeared there. “That's— that's amazing, Catra! You have a label!"

Catra smiled. A real smile. She looked proud. "It's a long way from the shitty emo songs we used to do with Lonnie, eh?" 

"Hey, I'm pretty sure _My Chemical Romance covers_ had a big influence on you. Those lyrics last Saturday sounded _very_ familiar..." 

"It's not my fault Shadow Weaver didn't have any music from this decade! She was the only one with a music player!” 

Adora laughed, but she noticed Catra deflate a little at the mention of Shadow Weaver, so she quickly changed track. 

“So, um. Do you write all the songs for the band?” 

Catra nodded. “Yeah. Scorpia helps a little, but she and Entrapta mostly focus on the melody and the mixing.” 

“That’s great, it’s like the perfect set-up." She hesitated. "Are you... ” _Are you two dating?_ “How did you guys meet?” 

Adora felt Catra stiffen. 

“It’s getting late. You should go, Adora—” Catra was halfway up when Adora yanked her back down by the waist band of her jeans. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Adora put a hand on Catra’s shoulder and pushed her back down on the beanbag, so that Catra was looking up at her. “You're not avoiding my questions again. I brought _cupcakes _, Catra. I demand answers!”__

__“You’re seriously bribing me with food?”_ _

__“The cupcakes had 'I'm sorry' on them!”_ _

__Catra rolled her eyes, but Adora could see her trying to hide a grin. She changed tactics, and put on her ultimate weapon— still looking down at Catra, she made _the_ face. _ _

__“Nooooo! Not the pout!” Catra put her hands on her eyes. “Those won’t work on me, you she-devil!”_ _

__Adora laughed and pulled Catra’s hands away. “Pweeeeeease, Catra?”_ _

__“Ugh. Ugh! Fine! I’ll talk!” Catra sat up and grabbed Adora’s face to squish her cheeks. “But no more pouty face, for the love of god!”_ _

__Adora giggled and instinctively wrapped her arms around the other girl. Catra let go of her cheeks and then blushed. “Could you, um, maybe get off me?”_ _

__Adora looked down at their position. She had her arms and legs were wrapped tightly around Catra, whose hands were now resting on Adora’s waist. Adora was straddling her. She felt the blood rise in her face and didn’t need to see Catra’s amused look to know she was as red as a tomato._ _

__She unwrapped herself from Catra and pulled over another beanbag. “Um, yeah, sorry about that. You were saying?”_ _

__Catra sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you how I met Scorpia. But that’s it, okay? I’m only answering one question.”_ _

__“Okay. But when I come back tomorrow, I get another question, alright?”_ _

__Catra paused, and then gave her a small, genuine smile. “Fine. Sure. Oh, but you have to promise me you won’t get mad at me.”_ _

__Adora raised an eyebrow but nodded._ _

__“I met Scorpia in juvie.”_ _

__Adora’s eyes went wide. “You— juvie?! For Shadow Weaver? But it—it was self-defense!”_ _

__“Yeah, um. That’s not what I went there for.” Catra looked down guiltily. “I, um. I may have been on drugs that night.”_ _

__“CATRA!”_ _

__Catra flinched. “You said you wouldn’t get mad!”_ _

__Adora groaned and put covered her face with her hands in exasperation. “I— no, I’m sorry I yelled. It’s just, god, Catra, we promised we’d never do that! We promised we’d never end up like all the other foster home druggies!”_ _

__“Yeah, well,” replied Catra softly, “you promised you’d never leave me.”_ _

__“Oh, _Catra._ ” Catra had pulled up her knees and wrapped her arms around herself, studiously avoiding Adora’s gaze. _ _

__Adora hesitated for only a moment. She gently pulled Catra to her, placing her sideways on Adora’s lap. She wrapped her arms around the smaller girl’s waist and kissed Catra gently on the temple, burying her face in her dark mane. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__Catra flinched at the words and put a hand on her arm, trying to push it off, but Adora only tightened her grip. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, I know it doesn’t make what I did go away. But I’m sorry anyway, Catra. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I’m sorry I broke my promise, I’m sorry I —” her voice cracked, and she realized she was crying. “I’m sorry I’m such an idiot.”_ _

__Catra was trembling. Adora could feel her body shaking with anger and hurt and sadness. Her hand on Adora’s arm tightened to the point of pain. And then, Catra let out one long, deep, sigh, and her body relaxed. She leaned close so that her mouth was right beside Adora’s ear._ _

__“Don’t ever do that to me again, okay?” she whispered._ _

__“I won’t.” Adora whispered back._ _

__Adora doesn’t know how long they sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms, but by the time Scorpia gently asks them if they want to get dinner — they had jumped, both completely forgetting the other two girls were there — Adora’s legs are completely numb and her mind and body are so exhausted she feels like a truck ran over her. She doesn’t care, though, because Catra is holding her hand and smiling._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer delay/shorter update than I'd like, I struggled a little bit with this one, I didn't expect to have so many sweet feelings for this fic??? Also, I definitely should have planted more foreshadowing in the first two chapters. Lots of missed opportunities for callbacks, here. But anyway, the next chapter should be veeeeery exciting, so hold on to your horses!!


	4. Chapter IV

_Beep._ Catra wakes up far too early the next morning because her phone is buzzing right beside her ear. _Beep. Beep._

Blearily, she opens an eye and checks her messages — her finger is already on the phone, having fallen asleep texting Adora — and jolts awake when she sees she has over a dozen messages from the blonde girl.

 **adorka:** Catraaaaaa

 **adorka:** Catruhhhhhhhhhh

 **adorka:** CATRAAAAA WAKE UPPPP

 **cutera:** what????

 **adorka:** oh hey you’re up

 **adorka:** nothing I’m just bored :3

 **adorka:** slow day at training

Catra groans and looks at the time. It’s half-past seven in the morning. She flops back down to a comfier position and checks the rest of her messages — Adora’s been texting her since _four_ in the morning, talking about how nice the field is, or the sunrise, or her soccer teammates, or sending pictures of her soccer teammates on the field against the sunrise.

 **cutera:** why have u been texting me since the ass crack of dawn

 **adorka:** if dawn is the ass crack

 **adorka:** does that make the sunrise the butthole

Catra snorts.

 **cutera:** ur face is a butthole

In reply, Adora sent her a close-up of her lips, puckered to look like something much less innocent.

Catra laughed out loud. She could see some classroom chairs in the background —Adora was clearly bored in class. A smirk spread across her lips as she thought of her reply. Catra was still wearing her sleepwear — which consisted of nothing but an oversized shirt and boyshorts. Her wild hair was messy from sleep, and a quick look in the mirror told her it was the perfect bedhead. She took a quick selfie from the sexiest angle she knew, then sent it to Adora.

 **cutera:** smth to keep u occupied in class ;)

Catra had just finished dressing when Scorpia entered. “Hey, Kitty—” Scorpia looked surprised. “Oh, you’re up early!” Catra waved her phone at Scorpia. “Adora woke me up. What’s for breakfast?”

“Pancakes.” She left the door open for Catra to follow, and called out behind her. “Texting this early, huh?” she asked, voice carefully neutral.

Even with Scorpia’s back turned, Catra _knew_ the older woman looked smug. Catra slid onto her chair in their small kitchen together and tried to act nonchalant. “She’s just bored in class.”

“Uh-huh.” Scorpia heaped some pancakes onto Catra’s plate. She _definitely_ had a smug smile on. Catra chose to ignore the comment and started stuffing her face with a pancake. “So,” Scorpia asked, still smiling, “how long have you had a crush on her?”

Catra choked on her pancake.

“How did you—” Catra blushed. “I mean, who said I have a crush on her?”

Scorpia burst out laughing. “Oh, Catra. You are _so_ obvious — is she the girl you kept on talking about during our group sessions?”

Group sessions. With anyone else, Catra might have frozen up at the mention of juvie, but this was Scorpia— she’d been a volunteer counselor at the center Catra was placed in, and although it took her some time to warm up, Scorpia was the only one she’d ever felt like she could talk to in that terrible place. She was still really the only person Catra felt like she could talk to about everything that had happened to her in the past few months. Adora had spent most of the previous night listening to her, but she still wasn’t comfortable talking to Adora about it so casually.

“Y-yeah.” Catra sighed.

“I knew it!” Scorpia pumped a fist in triumph. “So, how long?”

“I don’t know. Fifteen? Earlier? Probably earlier, but I didn’t realize until we were around fifteen.”

“You’ve never told her?”

Catra shook her head and ran a piece of pancake around her plate with a fork, scooping up the maple syrup. “I don’t think she likes girls.”

“Oh? You ever ask her?”

“No, but…” Catra popped the syrupy monstrosity into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “She just never seemed to like anyone, you know? I mean, at fifteen, pretty much everyone in that orphanage was a fucking horndog. But Adora never liked _anyone_.” She shrugged. “I just figured she wasn’t interested.”

“Hmm.” Scorpia leaned back. “Well, everyone’s different. I know some girls who didn’t show interest in anyone until college.”

“Really? I thought teenagers were supposed to be super horny all the time, and shit?”

Scorpia shrugged. “In general, yeah, but not everyone has the same level of hormones. A lot of kids just do things because they’re peer pressured.” She pointed a fork at Catra. “You should tell her. You obviously still have a massive crush on her.”

“No. No way.” Catra shook her head vigorously. “We _just_ made up. I am not going to drive her away again by making her think I’m a creep.”

“She’s not going to think you’re a creep, Catra.”

“You don’t know that! What if she’s secretly a homophobe?”

“Adora is not a homophobe.”

“You’ve known her for like three days—”

“She’s a decent person who clearly cares about you a lot, so I know she’s not a homophobe. Besides, wouldn’t it be creepier if you didn’t tell her, but you two kept straddling and groping like you did yesterday?”

Catra blushed a very deep red. “We— I— That wasn’t— That wasn’t what it looked like!”

Scorpia just raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’m _not_ going to tell her.”

“So what’s your plan? You’re just going to ignore your feelings?”

“Yes. I’m going to ignore them and they’re going to go away. In fact,” she said, tossing the used dishes in the sink none too gently, “I’m not going to think about her the  
_whole_ —” _Beep_. _Beep. Beep._

 **adorka** : u fUKER

 **adorka:** THE PROF MADE ME STAND FOR LIKE 30 MIN

 **adorka:** BECAUSE I YELLED FUCK IN CLASS

 

***

 

They’re in the middle of a set when Adora walks in.

She’s wearing her trademark red jacket —  _how many of those does she have?_ — a fitted white shirt that shows off her collarbone, and a pair of old jeans Catra is sure came from the orphanage. Her blonde hair is tied back in the usual Adora way, but a small fringe has fallen loose on her forehead. Like she ran all the way here after class.

Adora sits down in front of the glass window and puts on the headset to listen. She grins at Catra and gives her a thumbs up. Catra can’t help but smile, even though the song she’s practicing right now is supposed to be about some tragedy Shadow Weaver had inflicted on her. Adora just looks so _Adora_.

The song ends and Scorpia nods towards Adora, pulling off the strap of her bass. She’s about to speak when Catra cuts her off. “Let’s do one more.”

Scorpia quirks an eyebrow at her, pointedly glancing at Adora, who’s listening to them through the studio headphones quizzically. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. What song do you want to play?”

“Can we do song number five?”

Scorpia snorts. “If you’re sure. Entrapta, can you start us off?”

“Of course! One, two, three!”

Catra locks eyes with Adora and smiles. They hadn’t practiced this one as much as she was comfortable with, but Catra was confident she could do it in front of Adora.

_It took too long for you to call back_

_And normally I would just forget that_

_Except for the fact that it was my birthday_

_My stupid birthday_

Catra’s eyes still haven’t left Adora’s, and the other girl is looking at her with wide eyes, mouth slightly open.

_I played along, I played along_

_I played along, rolled right off my back_

_But obviously my armor was cracked_

_What kind of girlfriend would forget that?_

_Who would forget that?_

Catra closes her eyes.

_The type of girl who doesn’t see what she has until she leaves…_

When the song finishes, Adora is chewing her lip and Scorpia is watching her closely. She keeps her face carefully neutral as they start packing up their instruments. Catra hauls her bag over her shoulder and exits the glass studio as casually as she can.

“Hey, Adora.”

“H-hey.” Adora looks like she’s about to say something else when Entrapta interrupts them with a bright grin. “Hello again, tall blonde lady! Do you bring more cupcakes?”

“No, sorry Entrapta, no cupcakes today.” Adora gives her a small smile.

Scorpia laughs. “Why don’t you and I go get cupcakes, Entrapta?”

“What, you’re not going to invite us?” Catra looks at the short-haired girl in surprise, but she just grins. “Nope.” Grinning, she puts an arm around Entrapta and quickly makes for the exit. “Don’t stay out too late!”

The door closes behind them and Catra and Adora are alone.

Adora is fidgeting. She’s not looking at Catra, and she’s twisting her hands together — a nervous habit of hers. Catra crosses her arms and waits.

And waits.

Catra sighs. She always did hate waiting. She opens her mouth to tell Adora to relax when the other girl finally blurts out — “Do you want to come to my place?”

Catra’s surprised, but recovers quickly. She raises an eyebrow and says, with as much innuendo as she can muster, “Moving fast, are we? I don’t know if I’m that kind of girl, Adora.”

Adora takes a second to realize what she said, but when she does, she blushes bright red.

“That’s not— that’s— I mean, Bow and Glimmer are out, so I thought we could have some time alone to—” Somehow, she blushes even deeper. “Not that we— they could be there if you want— to HANG OUT— but I thought you may not want to— oh my god.” She puts her face in her hands. “You can stop me any time.” She says, in a small voice.

Catra laughs. “It’s really fun getting you flustered, you know?” Adora groans behind her hands, and Catra pushes her playfully. “Now come on, let’s go see your place.”

 

***

 

Catra asks her about her day, and the weird air between them disappears as Adora talks about her soccer training, and her classes, and her life in Brightmoon. They picked up some sushi and Catra’s favorite sashimi at an expensive place called _Sea Hawks_ on the way. Adora _insists_ on paying. Catra rolled her eyes but lets her.

“You sure your roommates are okay with me staying here?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah.” Adora’s fumbling for her keys inside her gym bag. “Glimmer and Bow are both studying at Perfuma’s, today. Oh, here we go.”

She unlocks the door and lets Catra in. The room is very big — the living room is a plush purple couch with a flat screen TV, with nothing separating it from the gleaming white kitchen countertops and the small wooden dining table. There are four more doors leading elsewhere, and Catra spies a messy pink and purple bedroom through the one open door. She whistles in appreciation.

“This is… big. How’d you afford this on a scholarship?”

Adora shrugged. “It’s Glimmer’s. Her mom owns the university, so she gets this place for free. I used to live in one of the dorms, but then I made friends with Glimmer, and we ended up here.” She waves at the couch. “You can make yourself comfortable.”

Catra flops down on the purple couch, putting her legs up over the arm and lying down. It’s soft and she sinks right into it. “So you don’t pay for stuff?”

“No, not really.” Catra can hear the rustling of the paper bag as Adora brings out their sushi. “I used to have to pay for my dorm, but now that I’m here and I have the scholarship, I don’t have to pay for anything.”

“Ah. Is that why I’m getting fancy sushi for my birthday?”

The rustling stops. Catra is lying on the couch, looking at the ceiling, so she doesn’t see Adora go over and sit beside her on the edge of the couch.

“Catra.” Adora puts a hand to Catra’s cheek, but Catra still doesn’t look at her. She doesn’t think she can. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

“More like forgot about it.”

“I… I’m not going to make excuses. I did forget. I’m sorry.”

Catra sighs and sits up properly. She takes a pair of the chopsticks and breaks it. “It’s fine. Thanks for the birthday gift.”

“That’s not my birthday gift. I’m not giving you take-out sushi for your 18th birthday.”

“It’s fine, really. It’s more expensive than what I gave you for your 18th, anyway.” Catra saw Adora wince. It was true— they were still in high school then, and neither of them had much money. Catra hadn’t given Adora anything expensive. Instead, she’d tricked Shadow Weaver into leaving for a fake “hotel trip,” cooked Adora her favorite foods, and stolen a bottle of vodka from Shadow Weaver’s stash. The two of them had a blast. Catra got the worst beating she’d ever had the next day, but it was worth it to see Adora’s smile.

“It’s not fine. I’ll make it up to you, okay? Your birthday, these past few months, everything. I’ll make it up to you.”

Catra stuffs her mouth with a large roll of sushi. “It’s fine, really. I’m over it.” she says, words muffled by the food.

“So over it that you wrote a song about it?”

“Who said that song is about you?”

“Who else would it be about?”

“Song’s about a girlfriend.” She pops another piece of sushi into her mouth. “I don’t remember you being my girlfriend.”

Adora freezes.

“You… ah.” She blinks and looks away. “So the song was… was it…” Adora’s voice sounds strangely high-pitched. “Was it about Scorpia?”

Catra blinks. “What? No! Jesus, no. She’s like a big sister to me.”

“I just thought… you two seem so close, and you told me she really helped you through juvie…”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Duh, she was my counselor. Of course she helped me.”

It’s Adora’s turn to blink in surprise. “She was your… your counselor?”

“Uh-huh. She’s like eight years older than us. Didn’t I tell you that last night?”

Adora breathes a sigh of relief. “No, no you didn’t.” She picks up her own chopsticks and starts on one of the other sushi rolls. “So, um. Who is the song about?”

“Entrapta, duh.”

Adora chokes on the sushi.

 

***

Hours later, they’re still sitting on the couch, watching some cooking contest. Catra’s lying down sideways on the couch, her head is nestled comfortably on Adora’s lap, and the other girl’s hands are running through her hair.

“I still can’t believe you let me think you and Entrapta were dating for almost an hour.”

Catra chuckles. “I can’t believe you fell for it. I thought for sure you’d realize when I said we met on an online sex forum.”

Adora huffs. “How would I know! I mean for all I know you… you…”

Catra tries to snuggle harder into Adora’s lap, but Adora’s hand has stopped stroking her hair. Grumbling, she turns so that she can look up at the blonde girl. There’s an odd light in Adora’s eyes. She’s looking down at Catra, so her hair is falling around her like a golden halo. She gingerly brings up one hand to touch Catra’s cheek, the scar Shadow Weaver gave her, and traces her finger down to Catra’s lips.

Catra can’t help it. Her breath hitches. Her heartbeat is so, so loud.

“Can I ask you something?” asks Adora.

“What?”

Catra’s prepared for another question about Shadow Weaver. She’s prepared for questions about Scorpia, about juvie, or about everything that’s happened to them in the past five months. She’s _not_ prepared for what Adora actually asks her.

“Do you remember when we were 15, and you asked me if I’d ever had a crush on anyone?”

Catra blushes and sits up, tearing away from Adora. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It comes out as a mumble, and she hates it. She tries to sit farther away from Adora on the couch, but Adora won’t let her — the soccer player’s strong arms gently tug her back around to face her. Adora wraps one arm around her waist and another cups her cheek.

“I asked you if you had a crush on anyone.” Adora’s eyes are as blue as the ocean, as the sky. Catra can’t look away.

“Yeah.”

"Who was it?”

Catra doesn’t reply. Adora’s thumb is lazily tracing the scar on her cheek. Her lips look so soft.

“Catra…”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Catra swallows. Her voice is ragged.

Adora smiles and leans closer, so their faces are only inches apart. “I need to hear you say it.”

“You, dummy.”

And then Catra can’t see Adora anymore, because her eyes are closed and Adora’s kissing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYY I'm so sorry for the delayed updates y'all! Life, it gets in the way. 
> 
> I had to cut this short because I really wanted to push out the update before leaving today. I was going to write them making out but it would take more time than I have right now haha. 
> 
> I'm going to try and push out another update in the next two days to make up for lost time, and I'll be deciding by next chapter whether I want to move this down to T (and potentially move any nsfw content to a separate post) or just keep it at M. Theme's pretty T-rated so I figure it doesn't feel really M! 
> 
> As always I love comments and bookmarks and whatever so if you can please leave a message!! If you have any requests about what you want to see in this fic I'll be happy to take it into consideration :) 
> 
> P.S. 
> 
> The song is Potential Breakup Song by Aly & AJ — inspired by the tweet with a gif of the song playing over Catra hahah. It's her voice too so I thought it was perfect.


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